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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
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1.
Prologue 01:24
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2.
Succumb (Enough is Enough) 04:43
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Tear open all your scars And SUCCUMB (OH) When we die, where do we go? Is the pain worth it? Please let me know. Leave me to rot, All on my own Away from the light, I built my home Into the Darkness I embark Upon a Mission To free, my heart From the shackles From the pain I’m breaking, MY Chains EEEE-nough is Enough Have I not suffered Enough? Tear down the walls of all we knew Deep down inside, I will bury you A hopeless failure, Trapped in my mind I’m out of chances; Out of time Intoxicated By the pain Break the shackles Of memory Peel back the scabs (And) bleed with me Peel back the scabs Bleed, Bleed (This is not) What I pictured, what I feel Slowly giving Into the Pain, Into the Pain To the people That I love Please, know that This is not me, This is not me (This is not) Who I am Now I feel EVERYTHING That you say In my chest, Taunting me Now I feel, Everything Who I am, That you say In my chest, Taunting me Haunting me, Killing me It still slowly seeps inTO ME EEEE-nough is Enough Have I not suffered Enough? Why must I SUCCUMB To this anguish To this pain To this hatred To this fucking heartache To this shame Holding on but It is all a Waste
3.
Of Birth and Burial 05:35
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Of Birth and Burial Is not the life I seek Fighting off complacence Coping with Uncertainty The Dreams, that I cherish These wounds, haunt me Take my hand, before I perish Life and Death, Harmony Cacophonous mortality A Mental abnormality Nightmarish reality Seeking out finality I cannot fucking stand it The voices within me I cannot fucking stand it Today’s the day I end it Is today The Day That I cross the fucking line Is today The Day That I throw it all away Of Birth and Burial Is there a point to this? Warding off Abeyance Coping with uncertainty The road, that I follow This rope taunts me Take my heart, leave me hollow Love and Hate, Tarnish me Embracing audacity Burdened by tenacity Reaching mental capacity Embodying catastrophe I cannot fucking stand it The voices within me I cannot fucking stand it Today’s the day I end it Is today The Day That I commit suicide Is today The Day That I throw my life away Of Birth and Burial Is not the life I seek Fuck the tenacious Fuck the ignorant Is today The Day That I commit suicide Is today The Day That I throw it all away Could it be The Day That I end my fucking life Could it be The Day That I end my fucking pain
4.
Opus no.1 (Mist & Depravity) 02:41
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5.
The Voiceless Victims, The Vastness of the Void 08:19
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There is nothing left For me to hold onto Suffering is now The Anchor I latch onto Is there no escape From the thoughts in my head Suppressed within my mind I can’t fucking take it (I AM VOICELESS) Here I stand, now waiting (Now) Waiting for the day That we are the same But until then, I will bear I will endure the pain Are we not the same? Not the same? Why the fuck am I So fucking nervous? What the fuck did I Do to deserve this? Screaming out for help No one fucking listens No escape from hell Blamed for my condition (FUCKING VOICELESS) Here I stand, forsaken As if I am to blame For all of my pain And though I know I am not The suffering remains Are we not the same? Not the same? The Voiceless Victims Disregarded The Vastness of the Void No one helps them There are so many People like, People like me Left with no voice, Stripped and helpless Yet we still plead (OH) Here I stand, all alone With my heart in my hands Begging you to please Please, understand What I am But you never listen So I keep waiting Until then Here I stand, still waiting (Still) Waiting for the day That we are the same But until then, I will bear I will endure the pain Are we not the same? Not the same? THE VOICELESS, VICTIMS THE VASTNESS, OF THE VOID THE VOICELESS, VICTIMS THE VASTNESS, OF THE VOID
6.
Opus no.2 (Ashes & Purity) 02:53
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7.
Alone, I Lament 06:58
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Breaking away from the grasp of my grief Within this anguish, I find relief Tearing away from the pain as I weep Shaming myself, I bury it deep This house gathers dust Its foundation cracked and hewn A Spring without you (Without you) An Ode to all that I knew Movements of my heart A Symphony of misfortune Alone, I Lament (I Lament) For the face I can’t forget Breaking away from the depths of memory Within the darkness, a dead motif Stepping into the embrace of defeat/ An Endless cycle that I am doomed to repeat Fabricating thoughts of stability Though I’m not okay, admittedly An Embodiment of bleak epitome Suffering, oh so capriciously Cultivating only declivity Behold this rapturous soliloquy Forging a road of ubiquity Suffering, oh so abysmally Even THOUGH YOU ARE GONE I KNOW YOU ARE HERE EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GONE I KNOW THAT YOU ARE RIGHT HERE WITHIN ME Breaking away from the grasp of my grief Within this anguish, I find relief Tearing away from pain as I weep Shaming myself, I bury it deep Painting a portrait of calamity A last blue ruin ripe with vanity Fanning the flames of all this guilt/ Till Nothing is left of what we had built The shallow words and auspicious lies Hear the words that I now eulogize Abandonment is all I know A homeless heart, a hollow hole Even THOUGH YOU ARE GONE I KNOW YOU ARE HERE EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GONE I KNOW THAT YOU ARE RIGHT HERE WITHIN ME
8.
A Far Cry From Fortitude 04:38
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This chapter ends And another begins The past is dead Like a breath on the wind Look me in the eyes And tell me the truth Fill my head with lies As you slaughter my youth A Far Cry From Fortitude Closing my eyes Waiting for the end A Far Cry from Fortitude Waiting for the end I am struggling With my darkness I am waiting for For it all to fucking end I am Sinking faster Into the abyss This life is Accursed A far cry from fortitude It is humbling And cathartic Always knowing that This could be the final bend I am becoming Something more than Something more than A complacent fucking puppet A Far Cry From Fortitude Waiting for the end Suffering is an empty glass Fill it up and let it pass Leave your Agony in the past That is all I will ever ask Seeking Out the fucking answers Waiting For the fucking end Seeking Out the fucking answers Waiting WAITING Hungering for warmth at last Fuck the future, fuck the past Catch the present in the act That is all I will ever ask A Far Cry from Fortitude Waiting for the end I am here to stay There is nothing That could take that From Me Suffering is an empty glass Fill it up and let it pass Catch the present in the act That is all that I fucking ask (MEMOIR)
9.
Epilogue 01:44
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(Sample) No Home To Go Back To Nothing left but Fucking Rubble Rubble That you Manufactured No Home To Go Back To Nothing left but Fucking Rubble Rubble No Home No Home To Go Back To Back To

about

Memoir (noun)
/mem·oir/ (mem-ˌwär)

Definition:
1. a narrative composed from personal experience(s)

Quite simply, this album tells the story of my personal, on-going mental health journey and my battle with mental illness that has lasted for more than half of my life. However, I wanted to approach my story in a conceptual framework that differs from any of the other “mental health albums” I’ve ever come across. This record tells my story through a sequence of cyclical stages rather than through the lens of events and stories. The stages are as follows:

1. Deep, consuming sorrow
2. Embracing my wounds and embracing vulnerability
3. Reflecting on my mortality
4. Chaotic Inner Turmoil
5. Feeling alone and isolated by my experiences and my differences
6. Accepting the reality of what I’ve been through
7. Grieving for what I’ve lost and what could’ve been
8. Becoming okay with not being okay
9. Forgive, but never forget

And it is through this cycle that my life seems to oscillate, sometimes slower, sometime faster, but ever-present and ever-consuming.

credits

released May 19, 2023

Written, Recorded and Produced by Jack Greenman

Artwork and Layout by Jack Greenman

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Excruciating Euphoria Maryland

Founded in October 2017, Excruciating Euphoria began as a meager, not-so-serious Noise/Grind based project, but over the years, has evolved into a more serious, multi-genre endeavor, seemingly with a life of its own.

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